Hamburg

March 20, 1936


Caution: Adolf Hitler was completely wrong about absolutely everything...usually. When Hitler said something that was actually correct, it was merely to set up the next lie. As with all good propagandists—and he certainly was that—he would begin with a few obvious, documented facts, and then proceed to distort them horribly. At any rate, the infamous German Führer’s worm-tongue rhetoric is NOT to be taken seriously, except as a classic example of the sort of masterful demagoguery from which appropriate lessons may hopefully be learned.

As always, read with an abundant degree of cautious skepticism.

I need the German people in the struggle that I carry on for its own sake, in the struggle for German equality, in the struggle against the insolence of others who still regard Germany as an inferior or as enjoying inferior rights, or who try to act as if such were the case. I need the German people to demonstrate therewith to the whole world that whatever happens we will not retreat one inch from our equal rights - not because we want to disturb European order, but because we are convinced, contrary to the opinion of temporary and mortal politicians, that permanent order in Europe is possible only on a foundation of peoples enjoying equal rights.

The opinion that European order can be founded permanently on the defamation of a people numbering 67,000,000 is lunacy and madness. They do not need to think that the German nation has rebelled simply because a certain man, Adolf Hitler, stands at its head. No, if I were not there, another would have come sooner or later. Germany will live longer than such an opinion will live. The German nation in its history has often suffered a bitter fate, as other nations have. It is alone in that it has never been destroyed by such events, as our enemies once believed. When they struck at Germany's heart in 1918, they did not recognize that they had thereby created the deepest basis for a German resurrection. What at that time they regarded as a death blow was in reality nothing else than the signal for a new and stronger unification of the German nation.

I do not desire anything further than that this German nation shall take its place and grow into the unity and cooperation of the European community. I am sorry, however, for statesmen who think that such cooperation can best be commenced by new defamation of the German nation. If they would only look a little further than supposed momentary successes, I believe they would be shocked to recognize the inevitable results of such historically false policies. In any case, I do not feel myself, as Leader of the German people and as its spokesman and responsible administrator, in a position to take even one step that is not in accord with the honor of the German nation.

Fuehrer Adolf Hitler <—Yeesh! What a wearying, insufferable bore.

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Hitler and Göring were arguing about the Jews, with Göring stating that they were quite clever people and Hitler vehemently denying they were any such thing. Finally Göring told Hitler that they should go shopping in Berlin and Göring would show Hitler it was true. Hitler agreed, so they disguised themselves and went out on the street.

Göring took Hitler into a shop, went up to the counter, and asked the clerk: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk stared at Göring for a moment and then said no, mein herr, I do not.

The two left with Hitler complaining that he did not understand what the point of this was and Göring telling him to be patient. They went to another shop and Göring gave the same act: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk stared and shrugged his shoulders.

They left with Hitler becoming incensed over this nonsense and Göring begging for patience. Finally they went into a Jewish shop; Göring again asked the clerk: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?"

The clerk smiled graciously, went into the back room and made a show of rummaging around, brought out a saucer and teacup, set down the saucer, and carefully placed the cup with the handle pointed so Göring could pick it with his left hand. "There you are, mein herr!" the clerk said.

Göring bought the teacup, thanked the clerk, and the two men left. Göring turned to Hitler and said: "See, I told you the Jews were very clever people."

"I don't see what was so clever about that," Hitler snapped. "He just happened to have one in stock!"


 
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